I Am
by xinderella
Summary: LxM. A series of one-shots that are relevant to the anime. Probably some OOC-ness and AU. R&R. No flames please!
1. Chapter One :: I Am

Midnight_blue: Disclaimer?  
  
Disclaimer: Midnight_blue doesn't own Vampire Princess Miyu, blah, blah, blah.  
  
Midnight_blue: This is a short piece of work that expresses the emotions Miyu feels  
  
towards Larva. A/U. Hope you like it! Oh, yeah, and please be gentle in your reviews!  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
I am jealousy.  
  
I cannot help but stare as you gracefully glide over towards the ladies on the other side of  
  
the room.  
  
A mass assortment of daggers makes its way to my breast and pierces my heart.  
  
One by one, the knives twist deeper and deeper into my every soul as you speak to each  
  
lady in turn, looking them over as you do so.  
  
My heart gives an agonizing cry with each wrench of excruciating pain.  
  
Are you looking for a former lover, or a new one?  
  
I am self-hatred.  
  
I wish foolishly for a mirror, but remember that even if I had one I wouldn't be able to  
  
use it.  
  
So mentally, I picture myself in my mind.  
  
I see a young girl, not a young woman.  
  
She is too slender, too innocent, too vulnerable.  
  
She is nothing compared to those curvaceous seductresses you enjoy flirting with.  
  
I look away as you tilt one beauty's chin upward to meet your appraising eyes.  
  
A subtle blade slips through the barrier of my ribs and slides slowly into the empty  
  
darkness that is my soul.  
  
I can watch this dance of courtship no longer.  
  
I am a melody.  
  
A waltz begins to play.  
  
The lilting melody fills the atmosphere around me.  
  
A cascade of notes and trills pours into my ear and stretches into the deepest, farthest  
  
corners of my mind.  
  
The light, delicate sounds blend smoothly into a waterfall of music.  
  
Each note falls to the bottom of my mind and rests there, fading, fading, fading away ever  
  
so slowly, slowly, slowly.  
  
Listening, I let the music drown out everything, even my thoughts.  
  
I try to forget the pain in my heart.  
  
I try to forget you.  
  
I soon find this task impossible to complete.  
  
Who could ever be able to forget someone so unique, so wonderful, so perfect?  
  
How could someone ever forget you?  
  
I wonder if you have found a woman to your liking yet.  
  
I am surprise.  
  
Miyu?  
  
Yes?  
  
I automatically respond to this voice.  
  
It is somehow strange, yet familiar to me at the same time.  
  
I turn to face you, half out of fear, half out of anticipation.  
  
Your mask is gone.  
  
It no longer confines the almost unnatural beauty of your face, the smoothness of your  
  
velvety voice.  
  
I am still unused to hearing you speak, but the image of your face is forever burned into  
  
my mind.  
  
I realize how much I love your voice.  
  
The blessed tone that you use whenever you speak.  
  
You take me into your arms, forcing a dance upon me.  
  
No.  
  
Not forcing.  
  
I go willingly.  
  
I am a servant.  
  
I'd do anything for you.  
  
I dance for you, with you.  
  
Your long, lithe body brushes against mine with every step.  
  
I am desire.  
  
I long to press my body against yours.  
  
I long to run my fingers through your satin hair.  
  
I wish to gaze into your eyes and see what I have wanted for so long.  
  
I am an alternative.  
  
Instead, I pull as far away from you as possible without breaking away completely.  
  
Instead, I clench a fistful of fabric at your shoulder.  
  
Instead, I look away.  
  
I am insanity.  
  
I am going mad, being this close to you.  
  
I do not know how much more I can take.  
  
I look towards our surroundings.  
  
We have somehow danced our way to a balcony that overlooks the shimmering sea.  
  
A hundred million stars glisten, scattered across the vast, empty regions of space and sky.  
  
A full moon hovers above our heads.  
  
I am fear.  
  
I finally break away from your arms, even as the melody goes on.  
  
I am torn between running away and staying here.  
  
I stay.  
  
I am denial.  
  
I ignore you.  
  
You will go and find someone else to be with.  
  
Moments pass by steadily, surely.  
  
Finally, a hand comes to rest on my shoulder.  
  
I look up, unbelievingly.  
  
It is you.  
  
I am bliss.  
  
I enter your open embrace gladly.  
  
I am crushed gently against the surface of your body.  
  
I playfully twirl strands of the silk that is your hair around my finger.  
  
I stare into your eyes.  
  
I drown in a sea of blood red.  
  
I am a prisoner.  
  
You have trapped me with your eyes, caged me with your embrace.  
  
I feel vulnerable, yet protected at the same time.  
  
Is it possible for a prisoner to love her captor?  
  
Is it a crime for a servant to love her master?  
  
Is it wrong for me to love you?  
  
I am painfully aware that my silent stare asks you all these questions.  
  
Your smile answers all of them.  
  
No.  
  
Our faces draw closer to each other.  
  
You lean down, capturing my lips with a kiss.  
  
I am surrender.  
  
I close my eyes.  
  
Feel your fingertip trace an invisible line from my jaw to the corner of my mouth.  
  
I succumb to the blind happiness of this moment.  
  
I run my hands through your hair.  
  
You start to pull away, ending the kiss, but I am unwilling to stop.  
  
Not now, not ever.  
  
I press our faces closer, throwing my arms around your neck.  
  
You are surprised, but quickly recover by wrapping your arms tightly around my waist.  
  
I suddenly jerk away, panting slightly.  
  
I am contentment.  
  
Tearing my gaze away from your eyes, I press the side of my face to your chest.  
  
Minutes pass.  
  
They feel like hours, and I am relieved for that.  
  
Finally raising my eyes to meet your own, I once again fall into the crimson sea of your  
  
gaze.  
  
I see love.  
  
I love you.  
  
I don't know which one of us said those three words, but I am glad that they came out.  
  
Your eyes say that you are glad, too.  
  
I smile and kiss you again as two silhouettes, two hearts become one in the moonlight.  
  
I am in love.  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
Midnight_blue: *smile* Hoped you liked it! Read and review! No flames, please! 


	2. Chapter Two :: Tell Me

Title: I Am  
  
Author: Kisakino Ookami  
  
Chapter Two: Tell Me  
  
Hey, ppls. It's me, Kisakino Ookami. Sorry if you're disappointed, but this was really a one-shot fanfic. If  
  
you want, maybe I could make another fanfic for Miyu and Larva. Tell me in your reviews for this chapter  
  
if you really want me to make one.  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
Tell me of the light. To have the sun burn in your weakened eyes.  
  
Tell me of the dark. To gaze up at a pitch black sky and see nothing, yet so much of it.  
  
Tell me of life. To breathe in the wind and run with it to the ends of the earth.  
  
Tell me of death. To lie alone in a casket, forgotten by everyone.  
  
Tell me of immortality. To know that nothing on earth can weigh you down with old age, to be young for  
  
eternity.  
  
Tell me of the human race's greatest weakness. What they feel when you slowly suck the life out of them,  
  
when they know there is nothing they can do to stop it.  
  
Tell me of your greatest weaknesses. Loneliness is not the same as being alone.  
  
Tell me of the things that make you feel alive, make your blood boil with adrenaline. The hunt. The chase.  
  
Tell me of love. What it's like to hold another and know they feel the same thing for you as you are feeling  
  
for them.  
  
Tell me of hate. The look in their eyes when they realize what you truly are. A monster.  
  
Tell me of superiority, what it feels like to have the advantage in everything. Nothing can hurt you, stop  
  
you from getting what you desire most.  
  
Tell me of fear. The thing that makes the chase so much more thrilling than before.  
  
Tell me what it is like to be shadowed mercilessly by mobs of angry humans. To be the one who is hunted.  
  
Tell me what it is like to be put to no rest until you are caught and exterminated. To be the target of  
  
everyone's hate and anger.  
  
Tell me what it is like to be a creature of the night. The excitement when you feel as though you are one  
  
with everything that is dark, even the night.  
  
Tell me.  
  
I won't reveal your secrets.  
  
I know how you feel.  
  
I want you to know there is someone in the world that understands what you have been put through.  
  
I understand.  
  
So tell me.  
  
What is it like to be a vampire?  
  
Tell me, and I will listen.  
  
Listen to the one I created.  
  
Listen to the one I turned into a vampire.  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
Hey. Like this one? This is just some rambling that I thought of just now. Review, please.  
  
And no flames.  
  
-Kisakino Ookami 


	3. Chapter Three :: No More Nothing

Author: Kisakino Ookami  
  
Title: I Am  
  
Chapter Three: No More Nothing  
  
Disclaimer: Please refer to first chapter for usual disclaimer.  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
A Dark Figure lies on the Ground  
  
Motionless, not yet Found  
  
Used, Abused, Thrown Away  
  
Discarded like Trash from Yesterday  
  
Her Eyes are Empty, Reflecting her Soul  
  
No more Spirit, Heart's Blood grown Cold  
  
Just a Forgotten, Empty Shell  
  
She Wonders if this could be Hell  
  
Arm Broken, just like her Heart  
  
Face Blank, Soul Departs  
  
Life Force Flowing Crimson Red  
  
She is already as Good as Dead  
  
She Wishes she were, Wishes for  
  
No more Aching, No more Hurting, No More  
  
Black Hole where her Heart should be  
  
She's Slipping Away now, Gradually  
  
Goodbye, she says, Smile on her Face  
  
She has Gone On to a Better Place  
  
Where there's No more Pain, No more Suffering  
  
No more Abuse, and No more Nothing.  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
Like it? Love it? Hate it? Tell me in your reviews!  
  
And I'm not disturbed.  
  
Really.  
  
*Goes and hides in closet*  
  
*Voice muffled*  
  
In case you haven't noticed, this poem is meant for the poor, abused humans  
in Vampire Princess Miyu that wish for nothing more than to die.  
  
I wrote this several months ago and published it on poetry.com recently. If  
you just happen to stumble upon it, you'll notice I've made some changes.  
Not very important ones, but changes nonetheless.  
  
And I have changed my name to Kisakino Ookami because there was already a  
Midnight_Blue. 


	4. Chapter Four :: Lessons In The Rain

Title: I Am  
  
Author: Xinderella  
  
Chapter Four: Lessons in the Rain  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own VPM.  
  
Other: Thank you all so much for reviewing my stories!  
  
Please review, and no flames, please!  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
I watch at my window.  
  
Watch the rain fall down onto the ground.  
  
Pitterpatterpitterpatter.  
  
Watch the hazy figures scurry to escape the rain.  
  
I do not see how they would be afraid of a little water.  
  
I actually think it is quite pretty.  
  
Falling one by one, individual, innocent drops of clear liquid,  
  
To the ground to join once again with its kin.  
  
They all become one, losing their innocence to become united with one another.  
  
They are all pure as individuals,  
  
But the moment they touch the ground, they become corrupted and unclean.  
  
Undesirable.  
  
Completely unwanted.  
  
Truly unneeded.  
  
Best just to get rid of them.  
  
But the ones that remain pure, like a ray of sunlight,  
  
Those are the ones that are desirable.  
  
Like a bluish-tinted, clear, perfectly cut diamond.  
  
Who wouldn't choose a precious gem such as this over a plain rock?  
  
A pebble washed smooth by the ocean's waves.  
  
I forgive them for being corrupted.  
  
They cannot help it.  
  
Just as the innocent cannot help their naivete.  
  
I forgive them.  
  
For am I not too corrupted?  
  
Drinking the blood of innocents, wishing that some of their childlike ways would seep into my behavior.  
  
I do not deserve to live.  
  
But I must.  
  
I must protect their innocence.  
  
To avenge the corruption of my own.  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
Reviews please!  
  
My love to all of you!  
  
-Xinderella, also known as the former Kisakino Ookami 


	5. Chapter Five :: Rose

Author:  Xinderella

Title:  I Am

Chapter Five:  Rose

Disclaimer:  Please refer to first chapter for usual disclaimer.

Other:  This is in honor of Miyu and Larva on Valentine's Day!  Please note that Miyu is very young in this fic, probably only a child.  I don't know, maybe eight or nine years old.

Damn!  It's already March, and I had planned to post this on Valentine's Day!  Ah, well. Sorry for the delay!

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

I pluck a few blossoms from the branches of the sakura tree, a bit timidly, as if some angel were watching me, knowing my intentions.  They would try to stop me.  I don't deserve you.  I don't think I deserve to even do this for you.  I wait.  Wait for it.  But no bolts of lightning strike me to send me to the darkness.

A bit bolder now, I pick a dozen violets from the gardens of the wilderness.  A few foxgloves here, some ladies' slippers there.  Hyacinths and purple petunias, orange poppies and hollyhocks.  Bright orange Birds of Paradise, sunny marigolds, and pink carnations.  White baby's breath and daisies.

There are a million rainbows in my basket.  But there is one more that I would like to pluck from its wild array of thorns.

Reaching gingerly through the prickly branches, I find the reddest, loveliest one of them all.

Pretty flower.  Rose.  Rose red.  Ruby red.  The color of your crimson eyes.  Not nearly as beautiful, though.

I consider cutting off the thorns from its stem.  I decide against the idea.  I'd regret it.  It's much more beautiful with the thorns. Somehow.  It just seems more natural.  Less vulnerable.  Pretty.  Like you.

Hmmm . . .  I gaze up at the sky above.  I wish that I could just reach up and pluck a piece of the sky for you, to match your hair.  So pretty.

Giggling at the thought, I race to show you my present.  I rush along the river's edge, a bit giddy with the excitement of finally giving something to you.  I hope you like it.

There is a wide, shallow area of the river where I can cross over.  There is a path of stones, with each stepping-stone set a foot away from each other.  

Easy.

I hop across.  Hop, hop. Hop, hop, hop.  

Almost there! I skip from one stone to the next.

Oh! 

I slip on a wet rock.  I fall into the river and my basket goes flying.  I reach out to grab it, but someone's sudden, surprised cry of pain stops me.  It is me.  I had cried out.

Oh. . . 

My million rainbows float away with the laughing water.  Babbling, bubbling brook.  Salt is added to the water as my tears fall into it.  The stream grows all sparkly because of the sunlight reflecting off of it, and blurry because of the tears in my eyes.

Oh, how I wish I had been more careful with my precious cargo.  I wrap my arms around the slippery rock, trying to get a good grip.  My feet barely touch the river floor.

Ahh! 

I shout in surprise and pain, once again.  My hand is hurting.  I raise it in front of my face for closer inspection.  I can barely see because of the tears in my eyes.  It is bleeding.  But there is something else in my hand, crimson and . . . 

My rose!  The thorns had dug into my skin, making it bleed.  But the rose is still there, still clinging to my injured palm.

I smile a bit.  I am happier than I was before, when I thought I had lost them all.  I still had the most precious of them.  Still had the most perfect.  Surprisingly, it wasn't at all marred in any way.  The battering it had taken seemed no more detriment than if a fly had landed on it.

I have to get out of this river.  Not knowing any other way, unwilling to toss it onto shore and risking losing it again, I place it between my teeth.  I heave myself up onto the rock, but fall off again.  I give a muffled cry as my tongue scrapes against a thorn.  Vision blurred, obstructed by tears, I begin to swim for shore.  It's only a few yards.  Stroke, stroke, stroke.  You can do it!

I blink the tears out of my eyes.  I dog paddle the rest of the way to shore.  Dignity was never one of my strongest points.

I reach the shore, and fling my whole body out onto it.  Panting, I remove the flower from my mouth.  The bitter, coppery taste of my own blood fills my mouth.  It mixes with my saliva, creating a disgusting bile.  I spit it out onto the wet grass.  Wiping my mouth on my sleeve, I try to staunch the blood flow by ripping a piece of the hem of my kimono off and placing it in my mouth, pressing it against my tongue.

I pick up the rose and flee the quiet streamside scene.

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Larva closed the card and gazed at the flower with an indifferent look on his face, the same one that he always had on all the time.

After a moment, he placed the card gently on the table, and after a few seconds' hesitation, tucked the flower inside his immense cloak.

He walked away, not bothering to glance back at the forgotten note on the table.  He had memorized every single word of it.

It lay open still, for the entire world to read . . .

_– For the most beautiful rose in a field of wildflowers –_

_– Happy Valentine's Day –_

_– Love, Miyu –_

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Author's Note:  When all the flowers except the rose had been lost, it was a symbol of how Larva had never left her, even when it seemed as if the rest of the world was against her.  The flower stayed with her, still clung to her, even when the rest left her.  The rose was a symbol of Larva.

Review!  And no flames please!

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody!

-Xinderella


End file.
